my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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