The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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