she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
