Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
