I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
