Just fell off a train. Bad.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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