man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
