He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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