Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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