I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
