One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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