very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
