That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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