That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
