Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
