I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
