How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
