So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
