we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
