Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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