Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
