I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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