We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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