I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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