Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
