Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize