Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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