I should be sponsored by Trojan
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
