If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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