he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
NoShamevember. You game?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
