The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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