I am in a vortex of obligation.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize