last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
