I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
