Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
