do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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