I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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