I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
