I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
