Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
