The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize