so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize