Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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