Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I FOUND THE LEGS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
