so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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