If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
