im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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