the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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