I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
