Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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