He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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