i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do herpes really smell.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
