Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
