woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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