your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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