i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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