He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize