Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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