im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
