nut hugger
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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