im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
