I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
